Your Heart

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

– E.E. Cummings

This poem, as well as this song will always bring a tear to my eye.
But today, I have hope. I don’t feel so alone, I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart.
Forever loving you, little sister. x

Advertisements

Rhiannon Rings Like a Bell Through the Night.

This is my little step-sister on her 18th birthday, 2 years ago this coming Monday.

IMG_4550

Dad started a tradition with me, which he followed up with my brother, where he bought my first legal drink. Since Rhiannon was basically his adopted daughter, naturally he wanted to do the same with her.
We drove down to The Breakwater, watched the sunset and Dad bought Rhiannon some ridiculous cocktail. We all giggled like school children as we clinked and cheers-ed, and joked that Rhiannon’s nickname of “Juvie” would stick no matter how old she got.

I wish we knew that this was as old as she would ever get.
Only two months after this photo was taken, we lost her.

IMG_4549

Since that horrible day, a new tradition has begun. Rhiannon’s cousin Jess, five of her closest friends and I begun catching up and remembering her. These girls have had such a tough run, but through it all they are resilient, loyal to one another and never stop sharing their love.
Last year, around this time, they organised for a huge group of Rhiannon’s friends to head down to City Beach for a picnic to celebrate her birthday.
Katie brought her present, and we released 19 pink balloons into the sky for our girl’s 19th birthday.

IMG_4548

Last night, the same five girls, Jess and I met up again near the water to have a drink for Juvie’s 20th birthday. I catch myself being reluctant to accept their invitations, thinking it will be too hard or that I don’t need further reminders that she’s not here, but as soon as I see them all those thoughts float away.
Being surrounded by them, hearing them laugh, watching them take selfies and gossip about who has broken up with who, I feel like I’m getting an insight into what my step-sister would be like at this age.
I hope we keep this tradition alive, so I can see where these girls end up and have a glimpse of what kind of woman Rhiannon would have become.

IMG_4547

This was the sunset last night – she’s still the light in all of our lives.
I love you Juvie, happy birthday!